put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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