i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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