I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
