Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
