we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
