Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
