But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
