White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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