i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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