You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
