I showed him my bush... on skype.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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