Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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