Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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