yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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