Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
