I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
