Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize