dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
