Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
