Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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