We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
