you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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