someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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