all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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