dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
