those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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