her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
