Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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