Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck appropriateness.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
