i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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