Whod you bang
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
