I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What a dumb baby whore.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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