wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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