I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
