i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
