there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
