I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
