I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
