I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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