I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
