My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
