Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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