This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
