Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a search helicopter?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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