This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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