There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
