nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
