Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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