went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Help. Why am I so naked?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
