Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
