I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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