I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
