All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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