Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize