I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
