I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
