so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
