you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
