I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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