your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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