bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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