as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
