trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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